


The Pros and Cons of Dating Kaizuka Inaho

by Himmelreich



Series: Every Wednesday, I'm here, in jail [3]
Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Prompt Fic, a deer made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 02:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3833779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Himmelreich/pseuds/Himmelreich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Let me get this straight, when you’re here, some of your friends think you’re spending time with some lover? Wonderful.”</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“You’d actually profit from that”, Inaho stated thoughtfully, head slightly tilted to the side, and Slaine narrowed his eyes.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pros and Cons of Dating Kaizuka Inaho

**Author's Note:**

> I asked my friend if she feels like suggesting any more ~~trolling~~ premises for Orangebat one-shots, and she requested “Fake Dating”.  
>  _i just think it has the potential to be entertaining_ , she said. Whatever you want, I said.  
> I hope I realised the potential _(:3 」∠)

“Inaho, it might just be my eyes going bad from spending too much time indoors, but did that just read H _ave fun with your girlfriend_ in that message?”  
  
Inaho was mentally debating whether to scold Slaine for disrespecting his privacy or congratulate him on how fast he had mastered reading a foreign language, upside down from his point of view, too. He did have a lot of free time, after all, but at least he put it to some sensible use, even though Inaho was not quite sure if him picking Japanese to start with had been meant to show goodwill or just Slaine's intent on catching up one one more skill Inaho had over him.

“It did”, he confirmed nevertheless, locking his phone again and stashing it in his pocket.  
“I didn’t know you had one”, Slaine commented, eyebrows raised, and Inaho was sure there was just the slightest hint of an underlying insult to the statement. “Shouldn’t you spend time with her instead? I don’t want to be the reason for an impending break-up, not even if it’s yours.”  
“I don’t have one.”

Slaine blinked, confused.  
“So, what about that message? Is that code?”  
“Kind of. Even if some in my inner circle of friends are aware of your survival, I can hardly go around telling I’m visiting you often in case it might be overheard by someone who doesn't know. And when at some point an acquaintance said they had my secret figured out and that I must have some secret girlfriend who I’m constantly seeing in my free time, I thought I might as well keep using the excuse”, Inaho explained willingly, and he could observe the stages of Slaine’s facial expression turning from confusion to disbelief to clear annoyance.

“Let me get this straight, when you’re here, some of your friends think you’re spending time with some lover? Wonderful.”  
“You’d actually profit from that”, Inaho stated thoughtfully, head slightly tilted to the side, and Slaine narrowed his eyes.  
“Profit from what?"   
“Us officially being in a relationship. It would for example mean an increased level of privacy for our meetings.”

He vaguely nodded his head in the direction of the cameras at the corners of the room, and Slaine snorted.  
“I thought you more or less run this place, can’t you just order them to turn the surveillance off?”  
“I’m flattered you think I have that much influence, but no, even I have to abide by the official international prison regulations. You get about the same treatment as an average prisoner.”  
“Is that so”, Slaine drawled, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, in that case, let’s keep it like that. My regards to your friends, sincerely, Kaizuka Inaho’s girlfriend.”

“My offer stands”, Inaho remarked casually, but all he got out of Slaine was a long stare.

 

✧･*･✧･*･✧･*･✧

 

“This is nice, actually.”  
Inaho walked over to the barred window to throw a glance outside, taking in the view of the dunes and sea in the distance. The reinforced, bulletproof glass isolated too well as that he could hear the booming of the waves and screeching of the seagulls outside, but his memory easily provided the sounds, anyway. He wondered if it was the same for Slaine.  
“I mean, it’s definitely better than meeting up in the see-through visitor’s room, isn’t it?”

 Turning back, he noticed Slaine was still sitting on his bed and glaring daggers at him.  
“Do you have any idea”, he began slowly, tone polite but his voice noticeably lower than usual, “what kind of looks the guards have been giving me since last week?”  
“Is this going to be an official complaint? If so, I’d have to record it in-”  
He managed to dodge the pillow Slaine hurled at his head, barely.

“I honestly don’t know what’s worse”, Slaine lamented, letting himself fall back onto the mattress and burrowing his face his hands, “those who obviously suspect me of having actively seduced my captor or those who apparently think you’re shamelessly taking advantage of me and pity my inability to escape your grasp. I did overhear one guard mentioning Stockholm Syndrome, Inaho, and I’m not joking.”  
“So what?” Inaho asked, picking up the pillow from the floor and dropping it on Slaine who did not even react. “Staying here without surveillance is still an improvement, who cares what the guards are thinking.”

“Says you”, Slaine drawled, pulling his hands back from his face and glaring up at Inaho. “You’re not the one having to be around these people literally 24/7. Of course they’d be gossiping. This was a terrible idea.”  
“Maybe not one of my best, but not terrible”, Inaho disagreed, sitting down on the edge of the bed himself, reaching into his jacket and fishing out an old-fashioned flip phone. By now, one could actually refer to it as dating back to pre-war times, literally.

“I told you about how there’d be merits. This is one of them”, he announced, dropping the phone on Slaine as well, who picked it up with a frown. “Less restrictions on communication. It’s only my number so far of course, but still. Feel free to contact me anytime.”  
“Amazing, exactly what I always wanted to do, talk to you more”, Slaine jeered, but still carefully placed the phone on the bedside table.

 

✧･*･✧･*･✧･*･✧

 

“There’ve been accusations I’m lying about this whole thing”, Inaho casually announced, not looking up from his cards.  
“As in, the thing about you suddenly deciding to date the person who shot you in the head? What a surprise.”  
Slaine’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. Inaho did not let it bother him, dropping his hand and looking back up.  
“To be honest, I don’t think they really care about what you do as long as you don’t give them any trouble. It’s just some in the council who don’t like me in general who suggest that I’m abusing an exception intended for prisoners that are actually dating someone. You win.”

“No trump card this time?” Slaine teased, collecting the cards lying between them on the bed and putting them back into the box. “Well, from an objective point of view I’m inclined to agree. There’s certainly real couples separated by these bars that desperately need this arrangement, and we’re definitely not that. No matter what you say, you’re bending the rules in your favour here, Inaho.”  
“Admittedly so”, Inaho said with a shrug. “Still, going back on this agreement now would be pretty stupid.”

“I’ve got to say that I did get pretty used to you texting me in the middle of the night just because you’re bored out of your mind in some council meeting on the other side of the globe, yes”, Slaine snorted, but he did sound sincere. “But before you get in trouble over this with the military council, just drop the charade. Say it didn’t work out, you broke up with me, and be finished, no harm done.”  
“I don’t want to give up that easily”, Inaho stated decidedly while retrieving the pager to notify the guards outside to open the door from his pocket.

“You’re just needlessly stubborn on principle.”  
Slaine looked amused, but Inaho just waited calmly until he could hear the door opening.  
“Sir, you could-”  
In the blink of an eye, Inaho leaned over to kiss Slaine who tensed up but was seemingly too shocked to react before Inaho pulled back almost instantly and headed towards the door without turning back.

“Sorry, I hadn’t said goodbye yet”, Inaho told the entirely gobsmacked guard, who hurried to step aside from the doorway.  
“Of course, Sir, my apologies.”  
Inaho had not even reached the end of the corridor yet when his phone announced a new message.

“ _You’re going to regret this”_ was all it said.  
“ _Learn to type kanji already”_ was all he sent in return.

 

✧･*･✧･*･✧･*･✧

 

They had settled on something they had dubbed _lowest common denominator of displays of affection_ , just enough to keep up the act of a relationship but nothing further than that. Mostly, it really came down to Inaho kissing Slaine both upon arrival and on departure when there were eyewitnesses around, or holding his hand when they were outside in the courtyard where it was impossible to rule out someone might look out of the window from one of the stories above. Nothing that was not doable, Slaine had agreed, nothing that could not just be seen as a ritual of greeting between them just as it had been to open fire at another during the war. Only maybe a little bit more strange than that.

“I was wondering, are you still telling your friends you’re seeing your girlfriend?” Slaine asked, lazily flipping through the pages of a scientific journal on the latest discoveries on Aldnoah Inaho had brought with him this time.  
“Yes”, Inaho replied, drawing up his legs onto the bed and settling more comfortable. “Though I did mention I was seeing a guy, actually, so they stopped referring to you as female.”  
“You did _what”,_ Slaine snapped, nearly dropping the journal on his face and sitting up instantly.

 Inaho shrugged, not sure what the fuss was about.  
“They didn’t mind, really. Calm just said he hopes my taste in guys is better than my taste in girls, whatever that was supposed to mean.”  
Slaine groaned and shook his head.  
“Well, suit yourself, though you probably didn’t make things easier in case you want to date someone else in earnest any time soon. That will probably require a mean fictional breakup first.”  
“I’m currently too busy for a relationship either way.”

“For the sake of whoever you intend to really date in the future, I sincerely hope you’ll do better than this”, Slaine chided, actually hitting Inaho with the journal.  
“What do you mean, _better than this_?” Inaho inquired, rubbing the back of his head and not able to hold back an undertone of slight indignation upon this unwarranted criticism.  
“All of it. Your attitude is way too casual and businesslike, your posture lacks refinement as does your blunt way of speaking, and you’re focussed too much on technique when kissing.”

“I may remind you I’m not kissing you in earnest”, Inaho complained, thankful for the fact that he was not someone who blushed visibly when embarrassed, but Slaine showed no signs of stopping in his rant midway.  
“I know, but I can still tell”, he insisted instead, staring at Inaho with all the air of an older, more experienced person he could muster despite their status as prisoner and captor, and Inaho hated he had to admit that in between almost having married two different Princesses and growing up according to Vers aesthetics, Slaine probably really did know what he was talking about.

“You’re too tense and thinking too much”, Slaine continued, “just try to keep that in mind for when you truly want to kiss someone.”  
“I’m supposed to keep in mind that I’m not supposed to keep anything in mind”, Inaho echoed with raised eyebrows, and Slaine coughed.  
“You know what I meant.”

They remained in sullen silence after that, Inaho wondering how he had deserved this sudden complaint, Slaine from the looks of it regretting he had brought it up in the first place. For the first time in long, it was the guards who approached the room first, reluctant as they had become ever since this charade had begun.  
“Sir, even considering the extended timeframe, we would have to ask you to leave.”

“Of course”, Inaho said, nodding at the warden who was shifting uncomfortably in the door frame. “Well then, I’ll be-”  
He found himself suddenly yanked back on his tie, and before he had time to protest, Slaine kissed him, such a deviation from their usual routine that Inaho’s mind went blank for a second. He only truly realised Slaine had pulled back when he heard his voice again, close and laced with gentle mockery.  
“See, that was better already.”

“Sir--”  
Inaho blinked to refocus, smoothing down his tie again and finally getting up.  
“Yes”, he said to neither of the two people present in particular, even though Slaine’s smile grew just slightly wider.  
“Thank you for the journal”, he stated innocently.  
“Thank you for the advice”, Inaho retorted, already walking towards the door past the flustered warden, but throwing a last glance back towards the man who was most definitely not his boyfriend.

“Any time again, Inaho.”

 


End file.
